Hormones in Harmony

"Well Patti,  your biggest problem is your hormones are not in harmony," said my doctor.  "Big friggin' news flash there Doc...they are at war!!  I could have told you that!"

I have been dealing with this hormone crap for awhile now. Hot flashes suck!  I have days at work where I swear I have sweat running down my back and one of my tiny little co-workers is sitting 3 feet from me turning on her space heater and reaching for a jacket.  I get a vision of myself dragging her to the kitchen, filling up the sink, holding her head under and saying, "this is a little game I like to call No More Bubbles!"   I picture evil little fairy type creatures running wild in my body.  Horrible little monsters they are with magic wands.  With a wave of said wand they can ...make me cry, piss me off or heat me up to the point I swear if you gave me a cup of ice water to hold I could make bring it to boiling.

Now...I could probably deal with the mood swings and the hot flashes if that was all there was..but nay, nay.  One of those evil little wand waving monsters has a very special wand.  This very special wand allows her to add as much weight to my 5' 5" frame as she wants to.  And this little bitch is having a field day!  I cried to Dr. Deborah.  "I hate this its not fair!!  I'm tired all the time, hot all the time, cry all the time and I've never had weight issues!  Now I look like I'm pregnant!"  She smiled and hugged me...I felt a little better.

My other doctor, (a man) keeps telling me to loose weight.  "It's not that hard dammit!" he tells me.  "Just eat more fruit, veggies and chicken and go for a walk three times a week."  Seriously Doc?!  I swear I wanted to punch him in the face.  I eat so much chicken and vegetables owing a farm would be cost effective for me.  My kids are sick of flippin' chicken..but they know better than  comment cause they have seen fire shoot from my eyes.  I really do love Dr. Datlow.  He has been my doc for more than thirty years.  He delivered my children so he has a special place in my heart.  His mistake was not saying what his female counter part said, "Your hormones are not in harmony....but we can try to fix that.  We can find a way to balance things out. Just because your body is going through changes it doesn't mean you have to be miserable," she said.  

For a brief moment I loved her more than I have ever loved another woman.

Alas my feelings of love for her were fleeting.  As she left, she patted my belly and said, "We are going to fix this...and deliver this baby!"   

Hey Doc....lets take a walk...I'll show you how we play no more bubbles....