Hormones in Harmony

"Well Patti,  your biggest problem is your hormones are not in harmony," said my doctor.  "Big friggin' news flash there Doc...they are at war!!  I could have told you that!"

I have been dealing with this hormone crap for awhile now. Hot flashes suck!  I have days at work where I swear I have sweat running down my back and one of my tiny little co-workers is sitting 3 feet from me turning on her space heater and reaching for a jacket.  I get a vision of myself dragging her to the kitchen, filling up the sink, holding her head under and saying, "this is a little game I like to call No More Bubbles!"   I picture evil little fairy type creatures running wild in my body.  Horrible little monsters they are with magic wands.  With a wave of said wand they can ...make me cry, piss me off or heat me up to the point I swear if you gave me a cup of ice water to hold I could make bring it to boiling.

Now...I could probably deal with the mood swings and the hot flashes if that was all there was..but nay, nay.  One of those evil little wand waving monsters has a very special wand.  This very special wand allows her to add as much weight to my 5' 5" frame as she wants to.  And this little bitch is having a field day!  I cried to Dr. Deborah.  "I hate this its not fair!!  I'm tired all the time, hot all the time, cry all the time and I've never had weight issues!  Now I look like I'm pregnant!"  She smiled and hugged me...I felt a little better.

My other doctor, (a man) keeps telling me to loose weight.  "It's not that hard dammit!" he tells me.  "Just eat more fruit, veggies and chicken and go for a walk three times a week."  Seriously Doc?!  I swear I wanted to punch him in the face.  I eat so much chicken and vegetables owing a farm would be cost effective for me.  My kids are sick of flippin' chicken..but they know better than  comment cause they have seen fire shoot from my eyes.  I really do love Dr. Datlow.  He has been my doc for more than thirty years.  He delivered my children so he has a special place in my heart.  His mistake was not saying what his female counter part said, "Your hormones are not in harmony....but we can try to fix that.  We can find a way to balance things out. Just because your body is going through changes it doesn't mean you have to be miserable," she said.  

For a brief moment I loved her more than I have ever loved another woman.

Alas my feelings of love for her were fleeting.  As she left, she patted my belly and said, "We are going to fix this...and deliver this baby!"   

Hey Doc....lets take a walk...I'll show you how we play no more bubbles....          

Wait...I'm 50?

In September of last year I turned 50.  Yay me!!  Now don't get me wrong. I am not crying over turning 50.  I was so excited to turn 50.  In January 2011 I was super excited.  I was going to work out, be lean and strong and fit.  I was going to throw myself a fantastic party with all my friends. Serve great food and drink and dance the night away in a sexy outfit that would have everyone saying..."Wow!! Can you believe she's fifty?!" Yeah..not so much.

Now we did have a nice little party.  Kevin made great food as always and I was with people I love.  There was not however a lean, strong body from all those grueling workouts. There were no workouts...only pig outs.  I have only myself to blame.  Hell I work in a state of the art facility that has a gym!!  I just walked by it saying, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.  Well I'll be damned if I didn't tomorrow my fat ass all the way to 2012!!  I am disappointed about not have a cute butt, lean legs and flat tummy to show off.  Especially the butt and legs..cuz I used to have a great ass and awesome legs.  All kidding aside what I am most sad about is not being able to run with my grandson.  He is a busy little bee and loves to just go out side and run.  But being a fatty...I can't keep up and it kills me.

I can blame it on working too much, I work alot.  I can blame it on eating, I eat alot.  I can blame it on cocktails...I love them.  But excuses are like...well you know.

So now its January again.  So you know what?  I am going to take a do-over.  Just like in kindergarten when you step on the line at hopscotch.  I am taking a do-over. And I am taking those of you who wish to follow with me.  I am going to quit dwelling on what I didn't do and focus on what I can do.

My New Year's Goal is to take more time for me.  For the last five years I have tried to juggle work, family, home, husband and me.  Did you notice what came first?  Work.  I work alot.  Sometimes 250 hours in 2 weeks.  Who the hell does that?  I did.  When I get home I am exhausted.  Too tired for my kids, too tired for my husband, too tired for home and too tired for me.  I am tired of being tired.  I am tired of making excuses for  not working out something I actually love to do.  I love to sweat and I love being in shape.

So as I said its time for some me time.  Time to take care of Patti and in doing that I know I will be a better wife, mom and gramma.

Happy New Year!

With so many of my friends blogging these days..I thought what the heck lets give it a shot.  What to blog about...hmmmm.  Me..oh yeah! 

I am a lucky girl.  I have a great husband who loves me and puts up with my shenannigans. I probably spelled that wrong..oh well. Kevin and I have been married for ten years.  We both work for the fire service he as an Assistant Chief in Santa Paula and I as a 911 dispatcher for Ventura County Fire.  Between us we have five great kids who make me laugh, make me cry..but most of all make me happy.  One grandson..Nate.  You will hear alot about Nate...because he has my heart.